StUpId FaN fIcTiOn (Yes, I am bored)

[[EMumford]]

Suddenly A huge weapon appeared out of thin air like this one here!

ZZT-X: Holy S***!
BJ: I thought something smelled fishy ever since we took hans out, this must be something that deals with it...

Jack: Ya' Think?! I say we should jump in here!
 And so they did every last one of them except Bludshot he refused, and made quiet a stink over the whole thing untill he was gaged and dragged in when a group of radical industrail workers appeared!

 Ted: Hey Jim you think that i'd ever score with the boss?
 Jim: Not on your life Ted!
 Ted: Seemes that way...
 Jim: I hope the wife dosen't catch me out at the bar again, she'd kill me!
 Ted: Seemes that way...
 Jim: Is that all you're ganna say?
 Ted: Seemes that way...

And with one mighty smack he shut up.. They walked off into the distance Leaving behind a trial of bread crumbs that was quickly disapearing thanks to a bunch of mice, cats, rats, girbles, and boxes of fruit loops.. No one knew why as they hunkered down in the dumpster but they wanted answers!
 
 Jack: I feel like making a bad cereal joke right now but-
  Everyone:  NO!
 ZZT-X: Okay, we got this big ass gun pointed at us and we are all cramped in a dumpster, what the hell do we do now!!
 
 Moments pass as our heroes try to think! Under all this time something terrible happenes! For one note the industrail guys dropped lots of canded pinnaples, and on the other note, our heroes didn't have any can openers.. This was all a trap set by the ever watchful.......

[SpaceMarine]

...FOX Corporate lawyers!

Lawyers:We see you messing with our games and copyrighted materials! You will all die for your heinous evildoings!!

SpaceMarine:Guess they're going to throw the book at us, huh?

Jack:*snicker*

Everyone else:*GROAN*

Jack:Ok, we need a way out...

Gordon:How about this experimental teleporter gun I picked up?

ZZT-X:How did he get tha...I mean, cool.

Gordon:Ok, everyone crowd around and say cheese.

Bludshot:What the f...*

*ZAP*

The entire force was teleported to the mysterious planet of Xen. It was disturbingly quiet and the floating islands gave it an almost dream-like appearance.

SpaceMarine:I really hate Xen. I really do.

Sonic_13:What are those flying thingies?

Everyone looked up to where Sonic_13 was pointing.

ZZT-X:I think those are the party crashers...

SpaceMarine:Crap... Ok people, weapons up, fire at will.

Jack&B.J.:I give the orders around he..

Both of them were cut off by the sounds of various heavy weapons firing skyward at the incoming island-bombers.

Sonic_13:That reminded me of that scene from Predator.

Jack:Ammo check?

Everyone:Low.

Jack:Crud. Well, let's get moving and see what we can pick up on the way. Gordon, you're point.

Gordon:Me?

B.J.:Yes.

With some prodding Gordon began to lead the team through the perils of Xen. Every once in a while a scientist would appear in a ball of green light and drop into oblivion. As they reached a large, sprawling island Gordon stopped.

SpaceMarine:What's up?

Gordon:Terrible news.

Jack:Well?

Gordon pointed at a large creature guarding the entrance to the island.

Sonic_13:Gargantua...

[Sonic]

Suddenly a large whistle is heard in the distance and loud music starts playing

Sonic:  TEERRRIIIAAA!!!! *does a super air flip, and kills gargantua with one teeny kick to the head, somehow exerting a force unknown to science slamming the monsters head to the ground killing it

Music stops

Sonic:   Killed a monster bigger than a moose, now I gotta juice!  *FWWEEE SPOOOW!  

Bludshot:  Why the hell does he always do that?

ZZT:  Beats me

Spacemarine:  Well, eventually he'll come back like he always does.  Now we have to find a way off this zany place

Then a high pitched squeal is heard in the distance....

[ZZT-X]

ZZT-X: Son of a...!

Jack: Well, this sucks.

Gordon: *squeal squeal!*

SpaceMarine: The Heretic guy got him!

ZZT-X: Crap, and he's supposed to lead the way... anyone got a leash, or something?

BludShot: I got a big chain.

SpaceMarine: Why?

BludShot: I dunno, ask the author of this crap.

ZZT-X: Oh, and I got dibs on his suit.

Thus, they tied Gordon on a chain and let him tug them around the joint.

Gordon: *Squeal!*

BludShot: Jack, you got another Slim Jim?

Jack: Yeah, I got plenty... what the f*@#, they're gone!

ZZT-X: *chomp* *gulp* *burp* I wouldn't know.

Jack: ZZ, YOU LOUSY SH**! Nobody swipes my 'Jims!

ZZ went 'Halo' again.

Jack: Hmph. Cheater. Give the pig your freakin' rations, at least.

ZZT-X: Here ya go, Gordie.

Gordon: *Squeal!*

ZZT-X: As long as you're a friggin' swine, your name is 'Gordie'! DEAL WITH IT!

Gordon: *Grunt*

Well, they went on, got to the surface, found a teleporter, and warped back to...

BludShot: What the f*#$!? Why is everything bright, and green, and, and, and... the checkered soil!?

ZZT-X: Mobius.

SpaceMarine: Where?

ZZT-X: Dang it, where's sonic_13 when ya need him?!

*Ziiip!*

sonic_13: Yo bro, it's me, ya know! Always fast, never slow! (I made that up) Alllright, this is my kinda joint!

*Ziiiip!*

Sonic THE Hedgehog: Who are YOU guys?

ZZT-X and sonic_13: *GASP*

Jack: We're a buncha guys with guns and we don't know what the heck is goin' on... what the heck? I'm being censored!!

BludShot: Funny monkey poop. Yeah, you're right!

ZZT-X: This is an E-rated environment... no profanity.

At that moment, sonic_13 fainted.

Sonic THE Hedgehog: Hey! Is he ok?

ZZT-X: Just a fan... say, you know the way to the floating island? I got an idea on how you could help us.

sonic_13: *Uhh* No, I don't wanna leave... Sonic, you rule!

STH (Sonic THE Hedgehog): Uh, ok, um... thanks.

sonic_13: Wow... I can die now...

Jack: ZZ, you know what you're doing?

ZZT-X: Of course. Don't sweat over it... and if you see a robot, jump on it, don't shoot.

Everyone (but sonic_13): ???

ZZT-X: You'll see.

So the crew went on some, through Green Emerald Zone, Ice Cap Zone (accompanied by group snowboarding), and finally into 128-bit Station Square.

SpaceMarine: No demons, crezzy monks, space aliens... I like this place.

STH: You guys sound like you've been around.

Gordon: *Snort*

SUDDENLY....

STH: Eggman/Dr. Robotnik/Bill Gates!

Robotnik: I was kinda bored, so I thought, 'What the heck, I'll go see what that blue punk is doing.' Some new friends, I see? And a pig!

*Yoink*

Everyone: NUTS!!

Jack: Gordon!

ZZT-X: Gordie!

Robotnik: See ya, chumps! Mwa ha ha ha!

SpaceMarine: What are they gonna do to 'im?

Sonic: Either bacon, or roboticization.

Everyone: POOP!

Ash (yep, he's still here): Well, let's go save Porky and get outta here... not that I got any beef with this place.

And so, Tails stopped by with some big ol' transport attachment on his plane, and they were off...

[SpaceMarine]

The crew piled into the plane's cargo hold attachment and B.J. closed the door. SpaceMarine looked around and saw a red animal figure standing near the environmental controls.

SpaceMarine:Knuckles! What's happening man?

Knuckles:Um? Not much...?

SpaceMarine:Where are we going?

Sonic_13:Doc Robotnik's  Evil Fortress !

SpaceMarine:Hmm. Man, it's been ages since I played any of these games...

ZZT-X:You should pick them up again.

Sonic_13:Yeah!

Knuckles:Games?

Bludshot:Um, nothing important there dude.

Knuckles:Hmm.

Jack:So...what are we going to be facing?

Sonic_13:Robotisized animals.

Jack:Right...

B.J.:No Nazis or zombies?

ZZT-X:Nope.

Ash:What happened to my chainsaw?!

ZZT-X:Rated 'E' for Everyone. Chainsaws aren't in E-rated games.

Ash:Darn! Darn? Nuts...

SpaceMarine:Can we do the snowboarding thing again?

Ash:*sigh*

Sonic_13 began jumping up and down. There it is! There IT is!!

Jack:What...?!

[ZZT-X]

(Holy crap! No images in the last post? That's weird.)

ZZT-X: Robotnik's big ol' airship... did I mention it's big?

Jack: Alright... um... fox-boy...

Tails: That's 'Tails'.

Jack: Whatever. Just detach the transport to land on the deck.

Tails: What?! You really could get hurt that way.

Jack: But it's cooler that way.

Tails: Fine... *ka-chunk*

Everyone: OH POOOOOOOP!!

The transport hit the deck a little lighter than usual... Tails had installed parachutes on the thing.

Jack: Hrmph. Wuss... alright, gentlemen, lock and load! ...what the heck?! My gun!

Everyone: Our guns!

Ash: Man, now I don't got NOTHING... well, except this incredibly pressurized mechanical hand.

ZZT-X: Like I said earlier, just jump on every robot you see... but try to avoid stepping on the animals that pop out.

Jack: Animals? Are you on crack??

They got the door open and rushed onto the deck... nothing.

SpaceMarine: What gives?!

sonic_13: Don't you know that every level...

Sonic: ???

sonic_13: Erm, place on this planet is designed for running around at high speeds with little hostile interference?

Jack: Wonderful... great time to have my combat boots...

Sonic: Well, what are we waiting for let's go! *voosh*

BludShot: Show-off... well, men, start joggin'.

*Huff-Puff Huff-Puff*

Jack: ZZ! Pick up the pace and act motivated, you worthless maggot!!

ZZT-X: Uhh... hold on, guys... gotta catch my breath...

sonic_13: But we only went 30 yards!

ZZT-X: *HOO-heh...*

After some prodding, water, and "motivation"...

Jack: If you don't move RIGHT NOW, I'm gonna kick your butt!!

...they were on their way, going through loop-de-loops, corkscrews, and all sorts of weird poop. They finally came to a big control-centerish area.

Robotnik (from somewhere): Well, I'm glad you all could make it! Now watch as my really dis-advantageously slow roboticizing machine turns your friend Gordon into my personal slave! Mwahaha!

A big tube rose in the middle of the room, containing 'Gordie'.

Gordon: *Snort*

Then Robotnik appeared a big ol' robot thing with a bright, glowing red spot.

Robotnik: Now, to take you all out!

sonic_13: Ok, we gotta hit him in the bright, glowing red spot!

Everyone: Well, duh.

So after a grueling battle, which I am lazily avoiding the details of, and a couple lost rings...

Jack: Dang it! I was up to 106, too!

...the guys emerged victorious, and Gordon was saved.

Robotnik: Argh! I'll get you next time!

Robotnik flew off in his flying pod thing, not to be seen ever again... until the next game.

ZZT-X: Alright, now that we got Gordon, we can finally go home!

SpaceMarine: And how the heck are we gonna do that?

ZZT-X: To the Floating Island!

They hopped on the transport, blah blah blah, went to the island, got some chaos emeralds, blah blah blah, and were ready to be teleported home... wherever the heck that was.

sonic_13 (being dragged): I DON'T WANNA GO! I DON'T WANNA GOOOOO...!!

Jack: Sorry pal, we gotta 'juice'... nice place you folks got here.

ZZT-X: Well, it's been fun... I'll see ya again sometime.

Sonic: Yeah... how do you plan on getting back, though?

ZZT-X: I got my ways...

Blah, blah, blah, used the power of the emeralds to somehow warp to their next destination. Upon arrival...

sonic_13: Say, ZZ, how DO you plan on going back?

ZZT-X: Uh... well... I kinda... swiped an emerald... you know...

sonic_13: WHAT?! Without all the emeralds, the floating island's gonna...

ZZT-X: Yeah, yeah, so it's a slight setback. So what?

Back on Mobius...

Civilian: GAAAH! THE SKY'S FALLING!!

Back to our 'heroes'...

Jack: So now where are we at?
 
 [ March 08, 2003, 06:49 PM: Message edited by: ZZT-X ]

[SpaceMarine]

Everyone stood around looking up through a hole in the ceiling of the cavern watching as a helicopter flew off.

ZZT-X:What?

Jack:We're back in the cavern, but...

SpaceMarine heard a noise behind some rocks and went to investigate.

SpaceMarine:That's what I thought.

Sonic_13:What?

Bludshot:Where?

Ash:Who?

SpaceMarine:We're in Tomb Raider 2. Guys, meet Lara.

Lara:Um...who are you guys? What's with the armory and weird clothes?

Everyone stopped and noticed all their weapons had returned to normal, much to the relief of many.

Ash:Thank God!

Sonic_13:So where are we?

Lara:The Great Wall of China. I'm after the dagger of Xian.

ZZT-X:Hmm.

SpaceMarine:Well, at least we get a break right? All the Tomb Raider bad guys drop like flies after only a few hits.

Lara:Excuse me?

SpaceMarine:Damn, keep forgetting.

Jack:You said damn! We're not censored!

ZZT-X:Is it really that important?

Jack:F*&( yeah!

ZZT-X:*shakes head*

Lara:What's with the pig?

Bludshot:We need to find Corvus.

SpaceMarine:Maybe the Xian pigsticker thingy can help us out.

Gordon:*squeal!*

ZZT-X:Not literally a 'pigsticker' Gordie.

Lara:It's the Dagger of Xian.

B.J.:Yeah, whatever. Let's find it so we can get out of here. Are these slopes?

ZZT-X:*under breath*Lucky guy, he missed the BUILD engine fiasco.

Bludshot:Wha?

ZZT-X:Nothing.

SpaceMarine:Hoo-rah! I got my scattergun back!

The crew followed Lara up to the entrance of the temple area. Ten minutes of rock climbing took its toll on a few members of the team.

Gordon:*snort...*

ZZT-X:*huff* *pant*

SpaceMarine:Water...water...

Ash:Wimps.

Jack:I heard that! Move it, maggots!
 
 [ March 08, 2003, 09:02 PM: Message edited by: SpaceMarine ]

[ZZT-X]

Just as they entered...

*FrZZzZT*

Jack: **** it, **** it, **** IT!!!

Lara: Uhh... the temple is supposed to look more orient, isn't it?

ZZT-X: We just went through another dimensional-rift thingy... welcome to the club.

Lara: Huh?

SpaceMarine: You'll figure it out soon enough...

They proceeded into the cave to find...

BludShot: Wow, we're in a movie now! This is Raiders of the Lost Ark, and that's Indiana Jones!

ZZT-X: Ummm... take a closer look...

BludShot: ...the f***?!

ZZT-X: Yep. We're in the beginning of UHF. That's none other than 'Weird' Al Yankovic... and he's running towards us... oh, yeah, this is the boulder scene... OH CRAP!

And everyone bolted out of the place, into the desert, onto a city street, where they were all squished.

When they all came to, they saw...
 
 [ March 09, 2003, 12:40 PM: Message edited by: ZZT-X ]

[Sonic]

A CRIMSON HEAD!!!!

Sonic13: Huh... we must be in racoon city now.  Hey look through all those trees!  Its  a mansion! Lets check it out and get away from this crimson head thingy.

*Everyone starts walking through the woods when suddenly barking is heard*

Sonic13: Oh ya, I forgot that anytime you run into the woods mysterious dogs come around the corner and chase you into the mansion somehow developing the intelligence to trap you in this mansion thingy and evil zombies are walking around.

Everyone:  *groan*

Sonic13:  No fear, weapons and health are cleverly scattered throughout the place to help you even in the stickiest situations.

The dogs chase everyone while everyone shoots 15 shots worth of handgun bullets, then all bullets run out.  About 7 men die in the slaughter and the rest make it into the mansion.

ZZT-  What happened to my gun!!! Why can't I use my ultra ray death powerorb gun 60001.3 beta?

Bludshot:  Well, this is a survival horror.  Any time you go anywheres you ammo and guns are half of what their suppose to be.  You only get handguns and combatknives.

Spacemarine:  Uhhh... thats no good... (i guess)

Everyone looks around in the mansion when a terrifying moan is heard in the distance.

Sonic13:  MOANING LISA!

Everyone:  WHAT?

Sonic13:  Sorry this is the remake.  Some of you may be unfamiliar to new elemants than the lesser mansion.

The moaning is closer, when a gate is heard banging open, and there stands moaning lisa!

Sonic13:  Well this is great, guns don't hurt her, what do we do?

[ZZT-X]

Then Ash stepped up.

Ash: "Yo, she-b***h. Let's go."

He revved up his chainsaw, and then proceeded to kick @$$. Finally, the Moaning Lisa was dead.

Jack: *applauses*

ZZT-X: Well, let's keep goin'... nice job, there.

They then proceeded to meet some bearded dude.

SpaceMarine: Who the heck are you?

Bearded dude: I'm Barry... who the heck are YOU guys?

BludShot: Lost people. Know the way out?

Barry: No... but I do have a lockpicking kit.

ZZT-X: Crap! It won't fit in my inventory with my shotgun, shells, magnum, magnum bullets, gatling gun...

Barry: You got room?

sonic_13: Yeah, I guess so.

Barry: Ok... Here's a lockpicking kit. It'd be best if you, the master of unlocking, took it with you.

Jack: ???

ZZT-X: *slaps forehead*

sonic_13: Thanks. We'll be on our way.

Barry: No problem.

They wandered around aimlessly for some time, until ZZ solved a puzzle, and then they got to a helipad on the roof, complete with helicopter.

ZZT-X: Sweet... but how are all of us gonna fit?

Gordon: *snort*

ZZT-X: Oh, crap! You just reminded me, Gordon! The chaos emerald! I could've used it to teleport outta here a long... time... ago... guys?

Everyone glared at ZZ, most of them with their eyes twitching.

Jack: You teleport us out of this hell-hole on the count of three, or I am gonna bust your head in SO bad...

ZZT-X: Uh... you got it, sir.

And by some crezzy process, ZZ used the emerald to teleport them to...

[Aliotroph?]

The inside of what looked to be some kind of spaceship.

Right then a huge insect/lizard-like alien creature ran around the corner and attacked them only to be dispatched by ZZT and Jack using a shotgun and a the Wolf3D Gatling gun.

Half-dead scientist in corner: Those damn people at Weyland Yutani never learn! They keep trying to breed more aliens and never get the security right. *coughs up blood*

Gordon: I hear more aliens
Jack: I don't have any ammo for my crap UAC shareware guns...

A slender woman with short, dark hair and very big eyes walked up to Jack and handed him a flamethrower just in time for him to torch two aliens that ran into the room.

Jack: Thanks... - hey, where'd she go? HEY that #%$!^**%$#@% stole my watch!

Half-dead scientist: That damn model of droid is nothing but trouble. They all have their own secret agendas and an odd habit of randomly stealing clothes for no reason. If we ever figure out who's neural pattern they were based on... *coughs up more blood* ... spaceship to get back to Earth down that *wheeze* hall. *gurgles and dies*

Barry: C'mon we have to get out of here! Too many aliens!

They all ran down the hall as fast as they could considering all the weapons they now had, fighting off more aliens, and got to the spaceship. The autopilot took them to...

[ZZT-X]

Someone's house!

ZZT-X: WHAT THE F***?!

Jack: Wow! You actually said f***! You know this place?

ZZT-X: How in the heck am I gonna explain this to mom...?

SpaceMarine: What are you talking about?

ZZT-X: I LIVE HERE!!

SpaceMarine: Oh... well, um... make up a government conspiracy of some sort.

ZZT-X: Oh, good. My parents aren't home... well, we'll stop here, get a shower, have some drinks... no alcohol... and if you're gonna smoke, do it outside.

Jack: Fine, I can live with that.

ZZT-X: Heck, we could play some games while we're at it or something... let's just take a breather for now... oh, and someone pilot this thing, it's about to land on the dog.

So, the guys landed the big ol' thing on ZZ's front lawn, and then someone came to the front door...

Person: WHAT THE F***!? Who ARE you guys?!

ZZT-X: Oh, crap! It's ME!

Jack: ???

ZZT-X: My offline self! His... my... whatever, his name's Kyle.

Jack: Oh.

SpaceMarine: Someone explain to me how THIS works.

ZZT-X: I'm sure it could... somehow...

Kyle: Uh, who are you guys, and what's your big ol' spaceship doing on the lawn?

ZZT-X: Hey, uh... the name's ZZ_TOPPER_X.

Kyle: *eyes are wide open, dazed...*

ZZT-X: Hey, kid! You there?

Kyle: This... this is friggin' weird... say, is that Ash? And Doomguy? And B.J.? And Croft? And Gordon? ....uh....

ZZT-X: Loong story... let's go inside.

Kyle: Wipe your boots on the mat as you come in.

After a minute or two, the mat was soaked in blood, oil, entrails, and some other weird stuff.

Kyle: ...you know what, just take 'em off.

One can of air freshener later...

Kyle: Ok, ZZ. Tell me... what the heck is going on?

ZZT-X: Remember that thread you made on rome.ro?

Kyle: ???

ZZT-X: You know, 'Stupid Fan Fiction'?

Kyle: Son of a....

ZZT-X: Exactly.

Kyle: So... which one of you is BludShot, SpaceMarine, and sonic_13?

SpaceMarine: Here.

BludShot: Yo.

sonic_13: *zzzoooom* What's happenin'?

Kyle: O.....k. Well, what're you doing here?

ZZT-X: We just ended up here somehow, thanks to your goofy authoring.

Kyle: Heh. Thanks.

ZZT-X: I just wanted to let the guys take a breather, you know, get some drinks, a shower, the usual...

Kyle: Aw, that's fine... mom and dad are... hold on...

Kyle rushed upstairs, into his brother's room. What followed was the sound of some typing, then he came back.

Kyle: Mom and dad NOW are on a cruise in the Pacific Ocean.

ZZT-X: But you live in Maryland! That's a little far, ain't it?

Kyle: Can you imagine how long it's gonna take to get the smell out?

ZZT-X: Touche... hold on, you can alter ours, and other fates by editing your story now that we're in your dimension?

A big grin came over Kyle's face.

Kyle: Why... yes, I guess so. Hmmm...

BludShot: I want more ammo!

SpaceMarine: Weightless armor!

Jack: Invulnerablility!

Kyle: Hold on, just come with me upstairs...

They all gathered around the laptop, and one by one, they got their wishes. Those who were waiting sat around watching TV and playing video games.

Kyle: Hold on... so that's a BFG and Slim Jims, right?

Jack: Uh-huh.

*typeity typeity typeity*

Kyle: Done.

Suddenly, a BFG popped up in Jack's hands, and Randy Savage delivered his Slim Jims personally.

Randy: SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM! OOO YE-AAHH!

Jack: This rocks... whose turn is it now?

And after a week of R&R and backyard deathmatching, the gang continued on their quest for... something.

Kyle: Well, see ya guys later... if I'm so unfortunate.

ZZT-X: Adios!

As they were flying the ship in a random direction...

ZZT-X: HEY! MY EMERALD IS GONE!!

sonic_13: I'll bet anything Kyle took it.

ZZT-X: That bum! I'll... huh? What? Waddaya know, it IS here... but this is a different color... huh?

SpaceMarine: He took yours, and typed up a replacement for you. Make sense?

ZZT-X: Hmph. I guess so.

Their next destination was...
 
 [ March 09, 2003, 04:34 PM: Message edited by: ZZT-X ]

[SpaceMarine]

...the Hive...

Jack:Say what?

SpaceMarine:It's the Hive. The Resident Evil movie's main center of badness.

B.J.:What can we expect?

SpaceMarine:Zombies, Lickers, Cerebus dog thingies, more zombies.

ZZT-X:Weren't we like...just here?

SpaceMarine:Sort of, but the movie has better actors than the game.

ZZT-X:Point.

Jack:So, um, how do we get out?

Red Queen:You don't. You'll all die down here.

Sonic_13:Eep!

SpaceMarine:Pssh. WE know not to waste bullets on nailing zombies in their kneecaps. Headshots take them down instantly.

ZZT-X:And explosives fragment them into useless chunks.

B.J:Dog kibble, heh.

Sonic_13:Tell me that's not what we ate at his place...

SpaceMarine:Ohh...I dunno man, those Nazis didn't have money to waste on dog food.

Sonic_13:Oh my...*mmff!*

Sonic_13 ran off as the rest of the crew watched him leave.

Lara:That was pretty mean.

SpaceMarine:Yes, but the opportunity was just too good to pass up.

Jack:*snicker*

After a few minutes Sonic_13 returned, a little green around the gills but otherwise fine. After a few hours of fighting hordes of ugly zombies and hideous CGI projections of mutant freaks, the team escaped and left much of the facility in ruins.

As the elevator opened onto the first floor, a team of men in hazmat suits ambushed them...

[SpaceMarine]

...or so they thought. In the blink of an eye the dimension hopping team found themselves sitting in a cargohold of a tanker watching a huge widescreen projection monitor.

Sonic_13:Whoa...

ZZT-X:What the?

Bludshot:Cool graphics.

Jack:What?

SpaceMarine:Oh my God...we're on...the TANKER!

B.J.:So? What Tanker?

SpaceMarine:THE Tanker. The Metal Gear RAY is onboard.

ZZT-X:Oh...yeah, now I see it.

Jack:I don't.

A loud mechanical squawk was heard and a voice boomed over the loudspeaker.

Voice:Veranzano Checkpoint passed. All Non-essential crew is to report to the holds for a briefing. That is all.

SpaceMarine:We better move. This place is going to be crawling with Marines soon.

But they were too late. Thirty Marines walked in and trained their M-4 rifles at them.

Lead Marine:FREEZE!!

SpaceMarine:Damn.

Team Telefrag was forcibly escorted to a large holding area and two guards were placed outside the door.

ZZT-X:Now what?

SpaceMarine:Well, unless we can escape, we're screwed.

Sonic_13:Huh?

SpaceMarine:Ocelot/Liquid is going to rip off the RAY soon and this ship is going down.

ZZT-X:Blast.

Lara:What are you guys talking about?

Jack:They do this all the time, it's like they know these places or something.

B.J.:Yeah, it's weird.

ZZT-X:Hmm. I don't suppose we could count on Snake in this instance.

SpaceMarine:Oh, I doubt that.

Everyone sat silently, though their thoughts were mixed. Some were wondering how to escape, others were wondering if certain team members were spies.
SpaceMarine spied that Jack had a lunch pack with him and was about to use a ketchup packet on his chicken patty.

SpaceMarine:Hold it!

Jack:What?

SpaceMarine:I need that.

SpaceMarine walked over and took the ketchup packet from Jack.

SpaceMarine:Ok, Ash, Lara, come here.

SpaceMarine tore open the packet slightly and tossed it on the floor.

SpaceMarine:Ash, lay on it, making sure that you don't cover it all up. Lara, stand over him like you just killed him. Jack, ZZT-X stand on either side of the door.

ZZT-X:A variation of the cell-escape from Metal Gear Solid?

SpaceMarine:Exactly. Sonic_13, yell for the guards.

Sonic_13:HELP!! She's gone crazy!! Guards!!

The sound of a card reader beeping preceded the swish of the doors opening. In seconds it was over, the two Marines guarding the cell were knocked out and lying on the floor.

Jack:Ok, tie them up and gag them. Sonic_13, see if you can find our guns.

SpaceMarine picked up an M-4 and a SOCOM from one of the downed Marines. Lara took the other set from his partner.

SpaceMarine:Ok, remember, these dudes are the good guys here. So don't...

The ship rocked violently, throwing everyone to the floor.

Jack:DAMN!

ZZT-X:It's started...!

SpaceMarine:Ok, we have to head topside, NOW.

ZZT-X:How do we plan to survive this?

Spacemarine:We'll requistion a life-raft and row like hell.

The tanker began to shake and pitch as they made their way to the top deck. The lower holds began to fill with water and the floors began to buckle and tilt as the tanker was torn in half.

Sonic_13:Uh-oh...

[ZZT-X]

Jack: Keep moving!

SpaceMarine: TOO LATE! HOLD YOUR BREA---

*GoOoSh*     (Yeah, rushing water goes 'goosh')

The crew went under for a long time...
_____________________________________
From ZZ's perspective:
-------------------------------------

It's so cold and dark... not to mention wet.
My lungs have been patient for 30, 45 seconds... it seems like hours. It's really starting to burn... and there's no sign of light... wait! The harbor!....

*HUUUUUUHHH*

Bodies are bobbing everywhere... Russians, marines... it's like a scene out of an aquatic hell. None of them are recognizable... wait... casualty number one?

"SONIC!"
____________________________
Now, SpaceMarine:
----------------------------

I came up rather quickly, as least it seems that way since I can't remember the trip. I seem to be the first one up... well, the first LIVE one.
Jack came up not too long after me, followed by B.J., Lara, Ash, and then Gordon.
BludShot bumped me in the leg on his way up, but he was ok, after coughing up some water.
Sonic and ZZ are getting me worried...

Suddenly (that word's used a lot in my posts...), we all heard it, clear as day... amazing considering the conditions.

"GUYS! IT'S SONIC! HELP!"

ZZ was dragging Sonic through the water over his shoulder. Something told me this was bad.

ZZT-X: He's not breathing! Anyone know CPR?

Everyone slowly shook their head.

ZZT-X: D***..! We need to get to shore, quick! ...the emerald! SpaceMarine, hold him while I get us outta here.

ZZ tossed Sonic in my arms... he didn't look good at all, and his pulse was weak... ZZ got the emerald and...

*FrRRrZTt!*
 
 [ March 12, 2003, 09:31 PM: Message edited by: ZZT-X ]